Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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