the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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