I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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