just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
