please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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