I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Drake has all the answers
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
