She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
