shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
