i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
