It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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