Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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