Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
