I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
