and you said cock pushups were impossible
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
