Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think I died a long time ago.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
