What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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