Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
