We won't sleep together?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
