The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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