so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
