I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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