My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
