I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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