Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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