I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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