He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
