I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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