i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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