I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
