Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
