Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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