can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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