i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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