Who did Billy Mays play for?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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