this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
