I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
