maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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