I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
