I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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