it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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