there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
