I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i think i have two assholes
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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