i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize