id be glad to
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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