When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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