Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
