So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
