Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
try to milk me bitch
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
