Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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