he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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