I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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