Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
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True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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