I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
