We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
