I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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