well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just cropdusted the office
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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