i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
