I want to make a zoo with you.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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