We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
