Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just want nice things and good sex
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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