The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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