This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
