My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
