I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize