My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
