apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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