dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
