her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
