You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
