i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
