I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
