Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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