Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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