im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
