Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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